Ever have one of those days? You know what I mean, those days you wake up…in a mood. The attitude you went to bed with steeped all night to produce a potent concoction. It’s not just a grumpy mood quickly fixed by a cup of coffee. No, this mood has the power to take your inner witch all the way to the other end of the alphabet, if you know what I’m saying.
This was me yesterday. And I wanted to be in this mood. I wanted to roll in it—to let it seep into my whole being. The again-ness and challenges of life had worn me down to utter weariness. I had earned my bad attitude and deserved to let it do its thing.
Right?
I was even avoiding my quiet time. I knew I needed to do it, that it’s what was best for me, that it could renew my mind and give me much needed peace. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want my mood taken away. It was mine! I earned it! Mine! So I put it off for as long as I could.
I read my Twitter feed and tossed out a few tweets of my own. I scanned my Instagram feed and liked and commented on more posts than usual. I went to Facebook and did the same. Then I circled through them again…and again…until there was nothing new.
I looked for more to do. My laundry was running as was my dishwasher. My social media had been checked, rechecked, and checked again. And I’d already published my blog post…My excuses were gone.
I could almost see my Savior’s, “Are you about finished? I’m not going anywhere” expression as He sat patiently, waiting for me to take a seat.
I slumped in my chair and grumbled as I flopped my Bible and journal open. I grouched as I chose my colored pen for the day. I said my usual prayer with no sincerity, enthusiasm, or joy: Open my heart and mind to what you have to teach me today. Give me your wisdom and may it abide in me. Fill me to overflowing with your Spirit.
I was void of my usual anticipation and excitement as I began.
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13, NLT
Drip
It was like a drop of water splashed my parched tongue. I didn’t even realize I was thirsty. I was now unsatisfied and needed more.
“Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” Romans 12:11-12, NLT
Drip.
My thirst was now fully awakened. I became desperate to quench my longing.
“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.” 2 Corinthians 4:7 NLT
Drip.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” Proverbs 17:22 NLT
Gush!
I hit my knees! I poured out my frustrations, sins, annoyances, pride, anger, jealousies, selfishness…everything to my Abba. My tears flowed, purging everything hidden deep inside. Then I threw back my head and allowed His Word and Spirit to undo me, to fill me, to cleanse me. He quenched my thirst and my need.
And In the process, my mood vanished. I didn’t even notice its passing. Nor did I feel the need or desire to hang onto it. My focus changed. My heart recalibrated.
Finally, I felt refreshed. Joy filled. Thankful. And happy. My circumstances were the same. The again-ness was still present. But because the Spirit filled me, I was able to enjoy my kids when they came home, I didn’t feel stressed, and I had an excellent rest of my day.
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 NLT
Blessing
Journal exercise: This photo is of my 3×5 cards. These contain Scriptures I’ve written out over the years for memorization. These are the verses that have blessed me, encouraged me, confronted me, and drawn me closer to my Savior. I’ve recently started dating them and writing on the back why it was so poignant: the circumstance I was in, the timing, the uncertainty it clarified, etc. I encourage you to get some 3×5 cards and do the same. Keep them with you. Memorize these verses. Write them on your heart.
THANK YOU!!! I am so thankful and humbled by your invitation to join. I am excited God brought us together, and I look forward to growing our friendship. He is AMAZING!
“Again-ness” is a real thing! I completely understood what you meant as I read that. I think you hit the nail on the head to point all of us to gratitude and prayer. It changes EVERYTHING. You’re a gifted writer, friend. I’m so glad we met on Twitter. I’m thankful that you joined the #GritUp collective this week. Keep writing!!!
I am always amazed by how many Christians feel like “I’m the only one who ever feels this way”. When in fact, we all have the same struggle from time to time. And when we are honest about our ugliness, we can actually edify each other more. Encourage each other more. And love each other more in this crazy beautiful thing called life.
Thank you for your encouraging words. Being a Christian woman is not easy. Because we are still human. We are still broken. We are still being changed by the renewing of our mind, heart, and soul to be more and more like Jesus. I’m just so thankful my ugliness encourages you and others. If God can use my scars to facilitate healing in anyone else, I consider the pain I went through to get them to be worth it.
This is one of my favorite posts you have written. Not only did you knit the English language into a well written, entertaining piece, but you exposed your “ugliness” to us. Sometimes I feel like I am the only Christian woman carrying the “mood” just because I want too. Deserve to. It’s encouraging to me to know that even someone like you has the same struggle once in awhile. Thanks for sharing your obedience and the way God blessed you because of it. I know this post will come to my mind the next time I’m in a “mood” and am allowing my feelings rule over my knowledge of the truth.
PS I loved the verses. I’m going to write each one in my journal. 😊
Your blog post touched my heart in a “this was meant for you” way today. You are a gifted writer! Thank you!