Has Satan deceived you and robbed you of the gift of work?
Oh he has me!
I was lured in by his lie, “It’s all about me.”
When God called me to this ministry I believed I was 100% responsible for my success or failure. It was my job to “build my platform.” If I didn’t, I wouldn’t get published. Which would make me a failure. A fraud. A nobody. So I followed the movers and shakers in the publishing industry. I took their classes and webinars. I read blog posts and listened to podcasts. I followed their formulas—and still didn’t measure up. And the more I fell short, the more I grasped for success, desperate to “be somebody.” To “be known.” To “be loved and sought after.” To matter.
Truth is, their rubrics and numbers weren’t how I measured my success, but my value. So, I worked long hours. I struggled. I strained. I pushed myself beyond the breaking point. I cried. I screamed. I pushed some more. And then I’d burn out. After a time I would recover and start the cycle over.
What is that definition of insanity again?
Then this January, discouraged and shattered by disappointment, I found myself in my office determined to call it quits. I no longer enjoyed my ministry. I was exhausted and frustrated. Chasing after the wind and grasping at…what? I no longer knew. I no longer cared. I was done. As I moved to stand, God whispered, “Baby. Are you ready to talk yet?”
“I guess.”
“I called you to this ministry, so I determine your success—and your value. It’s not determined by the number of your followers or subscribers but by the number of hearts you encourage to chase after Mine. The number of souls you nurture to grown in their faith. The number of lukewarm believers you turn back to their First Love. Adjust your focus, Baby. Look up. It’s about Me. It’s about them. Keep your eyes on Me, I’ll make the rest happen.”
I believed a lie and I dishonored my Savior. I convinced myself I was working for God, but I wasn’t. I was working for me—to compensate for my insecurities.
According to their rubrics and numbers, I still don’t measure up. And that’s ok. To be honest, I’m not sure I want to anymore. I have a new rubric now. And this one is much more liberating.
I don’t know your story. But I believe if your look up to God, He will examine your heart and motives and give you back the joy and pleasure in your work.
Jesus, search my heart and examine my motives. If they aren’t in alignment with Yours, point them out and adjust them back to You. Lord, today I confess…
Blessings
Cheyenne