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Poem: I Don’t Like Who I’ve Become

This is a poem I wrote during my Valley experience while God had me in Deuteronomy. I don’t typically share my poetry because it reveals my rawest self. But in this case He changed my mind–again.

I pray this one encourages you or maybe helps you put your feelings into words. 💜

Jesus, I come to you on my knees!
My heart is broken, and my soul bleeds.
The answers to my questions are miles away,
And little but a thread holds my faith.

Savior, I thought I was doing you will,
But my goals, my dreams, my future have all been killed.
All my effort is wasted, gone up in smoke.
I guess I really am nothing but a dreamer—a joke.

Father, their promises were broken; my trust was shattered;
I was thrown to the side like I never even mattered.
How gullible was I? How so easily deceived!
I was desperate to do the right thing—needing to believe.

Instead, I was stabbed in the back and left to die!
The agony is excruciating, but my tears have run dry.
See, I took the betrayal, placed it in a box, and packed it away—
Not realizing a tremendous rage would take it’s place.

Anger, Bitterness, Hatred, Pride—
These are the new gang who’ve come to my side.
Day and night they praise me for my heart of stone
As they swap iron out for my bones.

I can’t stand this person I’ve become!
It’s like You’ve lost and the Enemy has won.
I won’t stand for it, this is NOT who I am!
But I need you help, Lord, please come take my hand.

My dreams are the ones You planted long ago.
Despite my resistance, You’ve nurtured for them, and they’ve grown.
But now I see I took control, charted my own way
I didn’t seek you will or consistently pray.

Jesus, I come to you on my knees
Unable to stand, unable to plead.
I am caught in a cycle I cannot escape
I am out of control and bent out of shape.

Savior, I want to faithfully follow Your way
To praise Your Name and walk boldly in faith.
But despair is pushing me under, I am about to drown—
So here I am, Lord, with my face to the ground.

Father, my grip is failing and I’m afraid I’ll be lost
Please grab me and bring me back to The Cross.
Use The Blood to turn my stony heart back to flesh,
Renew my Spirit, and once again guide my steps.

It’s You I cling to, it’s You I choose to believe
So, Jesus my Savior, I beg You, please meet me on my knees.
I know in You no hope is lost
Because You gave us Your Word, Your Promise, Your Hope, Your Cross.

Until Next Time

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