I was a senior in high school with two boys in pursuit
I was interested in both, but which to choose?
Then I discovered I was being played the fool.
The game they played was harsh and cruel.
The winner was who could claim my virginity
My heart didn’t matter nor did my dignity.
I went off like a nuclear bomb, anger pouring from my ears
But the hurt, devastation, and embarrassment I carried for years.
I was a freshman in college out on a date with my crush
I couldn’t believe he liked me too—what luck!
A friend loaned me his car so I could be the one to drive.
Little did I know I would be leaving alone with tears in my eyes.
All through dinner his words were romantic and sweet.
He knew just what to say, to bring a girl to her knees.
But before he could carry me away by his words whispered low
His hand slid up my thigh showing me where he intended to go.
Silently I grabbed my purse and walked away
I told the waitress he would play the bill, that I couldn’t stay.
I put the keys in the ignition and put the car in reverse
Confident my only value to males was in regards to what was up my skirt.
I was…I don’t even know.
It all started as far back as my memories go.
This is the part that almost kept me from posting the truth
This is the part where I have to face the abuse.
This is the most painful, the one with the biggest
This is the one that nearly ruined me, the one that broke my heart
My father did things no father should.
He told me I was worthless, ugly, and fat—No good.
No man would ever want me. He owned me, I was his.
As his daughter, it was my duty to do for him as he wished.
No matter how I fought him, it was never enough
I could never escape the threat of his touch.
But then God…
Took my broken heart, my depression, and my shame.
He cleaned me, healed me, and made me new again.
Took the disposable object I saw in the mirror
And showed me a woman of value, a woman He held her dear.
He told me I was His child, His treasure, the apple of His eye.
That it was for me He suffered and died.
He gave me a ministry, a message, a task
But first I needed to face the truth, to remove the mask.
Beloved, God restored me and made me new. Don’t get me wrong. I still have the scars. But it is those scars I treasure. Not because of the abuse, but because they are healed—no longer open wounds. And God has used those scars to facilitate healing in other that would not have otherwise been possible.
But my Jesus, through His spirit, has made me new. I am not who I was 20 years ago, 15, years ago, or even 5 years ago. And for that I am thankful. I still wrestle with the residual insecurities, but He is helping me through those as well.
Me Too…But by the grace of God…I am healed.