Healing, My Publishing Journey, My Story, Prayer, Trusting God, When it hurts

Irony of Control (Part 2): When it Hurts–Laying My Isaac Down

Where do you go when it hurts?

Who do you talk to?

What do you do?

I’m in a situation that hurts.

I’ve gone to my prayer journal and poured out. (I’m definitely going to need a new one after this is all over and done.)

I’ve vented and I’ve spewed. (I know, not so holy.)

I’ve sought godly advice from those I respect, trust, and love fiercely.

The hard part is, the council I’m getting is dichotomous to the extreme. It couldn’t be more opposite if it tried. And both are sound and Biblical.

Both are good.

But which it best?

Not having the answer is tearing me in two.

Which to choose? Which is the best of two good and viable options? Which is right?

Because the direction I choose can and will dictate the future of my life, family, and ministry.

Then as I was writing in my prayer journal again, God reminded me, I’ve been in this pace before—shredded by a dichotomous choice. And the direction I chose would dictate the future of my life, family, and ministry. The only difference between that time and now is that situation was much more deeply personal—and scary. This time is personal, but not on the same level.

At that time the distress was so acute I was shredded down to my core, the renting was so deep I wasn’t sure I was going to survive. But I had to choose. God was waiting. He was the one I had to respond to.

And like Abraham, He was asking me to lay “my Issac” on the altar.

And I chose God. I chose to follow Him no matter what. I chose to submit to His leading in my life, His call, regardless of the deep personal cost. With shaky hands and a quaking heart I laid my Issac down and chose to trust Him with the rest.

I had never felt so undone in my life.

Nor had I felt so much peace.

And God honored that. Within 48 hours, He showed me “the ram in the thicket.” He started to heal what was broken and mend what was shredded.

In that situation the choice was much more clear than this one is.

Well, in my perspective, not God’s.

In my perspective, the waters are murky and it’s hard to find the right way. To make the wisest choice. It’s as if all the hurt, anger, and emotion has stirred up the soil on the bottom of a lake and clouded light from view. It’s like all the conflicting yet excellent advice dulled my ability to think and reason. And I was lost. Frozen. Not sure of what to do.

In God’s perspective, the water is crystal clear. Every detail sharp and in focus. The path, obvious. Known. The situation I’m in is not surprise to Him. In fact, He guided me here to remind me He is in control and I am not. It’s my job to submit to Him and let Him lead me. Not my hurts. Not my emotions. Not other’s voices. Him and Him alone.

What does that mean for my choice? I. Have. No. Idea.

What and I going to choose to do? I’m not. I’m going to trust God alone to guide me. He’s done it before—and in that situation I has so much more to lose. I know I can trust Him to do it again. Regardless of the unanswered questions. Regardless of the fears. Regardless of the uncertainty. Regardless of the fear.

Friend, I have no more clarity now than I did before. But I can tell you this—after submitting to Him and His leading—for the first time in over a week I feel peace. And that’s good enough for me.

I know He’s got my back. I believe He will work it out. I’m confident He will show me what to do—and not do. My job is to submit. To trust. Obey. And follow. Period.

What about you?

What are you clinging to?

Fretting over?

Anxious about?

Are you willing to lay you “Issac” down? Are you willing to trust God with what you treasure?

Blessings, xoxo


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2 thoughts on “Irony of Control (Part 2): When it Hurts–Laying My Isaac Down”

  1. Oh. MY. YES! Thanks for your word today. I am in a similar place and it has to do with my involvements. They are all good. I felt called. But now it feels like God is asking me to trim them down. Not sure if that means I need more margin in this season, or that I need to make room for growth.

    So, I too have laid it down. I will let it all go if that’s what He wants. Please pray I get some clarity. And peace.

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