During these 10 day I’m sending my son, Tyler, encouraging quotes and messages while he attends the JRob 10-day Intensive Wrestling Camp in Iowa. My goal is to inspire him, to give him something to hang on to when things get hellacious, when his asthma acts up, when his muscles are past burning and have started shaking, when all his strength and endurance are used up and he still has a ways to go.
As I write his messages, I realize I’m not just talking to him—I’m talking to me too.
Others in the series:
Texting with Tyler:
How can I pray for you?
Mind and body to stay in tact.
Do you feel like they’re coming apart?
My body might come apart. I just need to keep pushing through and that starts in the mind.
I think my legs might fall off.
Day 5 of J-Rob.
Day 5 of 4-a-day workouts: run/lift; technique; hard practice/live wrestling; run/lift
Tyler is working harder than he has ever worked before.
He’s being pushed well past his self-imposed limits, further than he’s ever been pushed before.
He is tired.
And still going.
He is discovering new limits.
He is uncovering an inner-strength he didn’t know he had.
He is understanding what it means to rely on God and His strength when his is gone.
And he’s halfway done.
I told him…
(and me)…(and you)…
Coming apart is not a bad thing!
We always think it is because it’s excruciating.
It’s coupled with uncertainty…and fear.
Fear of what?
But when you’re coming apart, take a step back and look around. You’ll realize God’s has you safely in the palm of His hand. Keeping you safe. Guiding the whole process. Never letting it go too far. Just far enough to reveal what’s broken so He can replace/fix it and put you back together again. Making you more than functional, making you better than before.
It’s like this Spring when you and Dad fixed the boat lift. You had to
- Take the mechanism off the lift
- Take it apart
- Take out the broken piece
- Replace it with a new, whole, stronger piece
- Put it back together
- Put the entire assembly back on the lift
Sometimes God has to do that to us so we not only function better but are better equipped to do what He’s called us to do.
Submit to Him.
Let Him do His work.
Don’t give up!
On yourself. Or Him.
This is something I know all too well.
Shortly after the repressed memories of sexual abuse erupted God told me He needed to rebuild me.
- I was shattered.
- I had no will to live despite have three kids (preschool, toddler, newborn) and a husband.
- Everything I thought I was. Everything I thought made me who I was…was gone!
- I was in such a pit of darkness and despair, I thought there was no other way out that to take my own life.
That’s when God stepped in.
He used the show Extreme Makeover Home Edition to illustrate what He had planned.
Their project was to finish the second story on the home of a single mother.
She saved for years to have this done and partway through the project her contractor bailed leaving her house in shambles and virtually unlivable.
Makeover was planning to go in and finish the project. Easy-peasy.
But there was a problem.
Her original house didn’t have the fortitude to support a second story. If they simply finished the botched project, her house would cave in on itself, killing everyone inside.
They had to demolish the whole house, taking it down to its foundation, and completely rebuild.
But there was a problem.
The foundation wasn’t strong enough to support a two-story house.
So they had to deconstruct the old house AND reinforce the foundation AND THEN REBUILD.
And that’s exactly what God had to do with me. He had to demolish my existing “structure” aka—identity, way of thinking, and even my faith. He had to take me down to my foundation, reinforce it, and THEN rebuild.
If He simply build on what was there, I wouldn’t have been able to take it. I didn’t have to fortitude to do and be what He’s created me to be. I would have completely crumbled.
It was the most excruciating season of my life to day. There was more pain than I thought I could endured. I was convinced my mind would crack. I was sure my body was going to disintegrate into oblivion.
I thought I was going insane.
But they didn’t. And I didn’t.
My mind remained whole and my body stayed intact.
Deconstruction is not a delicate process.
He had to remove all the junk. All the brokenness. All the lies. All the hurt. All the anger. All the bitterness. And bring me back to the basics:
- Whose I am
- Who I am
- A Child of The Living King
- Ransomed with His Son’s blood
And once I began to grasp that, He started to rebuild me piece-by-piece. Room-by-room.
And little-by-little, He began to reveal my purpose and calling.
At first I didn’t believe it! Okay, I didn’t WANT TO believe it. Me, a writer? Me, an author? Me, a speaker? Me, a teacher of His Word? Oh, no, no, no, no…But God is God and His will is always done, and He’s making it happen. In His time. For His purpose. And I’m thrilled to serve where I am.
Oh, and there are scars.
Evidence of old wounds.
Evidence of the past.
Evidence of His healing. Of His careful, masterful hands stitching me back together and making me whole.
But before any of that could happen, I had to be taken apart.
Like our boat lift, He had to take me apart to reveal what was broken. Then He had to remove all the pieces and replace them so I could be whole, complete, and strong.
He made me more than functional, He made me better than before.
And along the way, He equiped me for my purpose.
Beloved, not for a second have I been out of the palm of His hand. From before that time until this very moment. Even now, as He has me in another season of refinement, I am there! Clutched safely and securely in His grasp.
And so are you!
As He continues to mold and shape me, He holds me close. Not one detail is unnoticed. Unseen. He is lovingly aware of all of it. Guiding it. Making it happen,
And when He’s done, my scars will shine!
And so will yours!
DON’T GIVE UP!
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